The story of Scarlett in honor of NICU awareness month.

Speaking of waiting, this man waited 9 years of marriage for a baby. I never planned on having children but Blaze never gave up. In early 2018 this guy, without telling me, prayed for us to have a baby. That April, we celebrated our 9^thanniversary and on that day (well actually the day after) I told him that I was pregnant. He was quite shocked; much like I was when I found out that he had specifically and intentionally prayed for it earlier that year! To be completely transparent, I was more terrified than I was excited. I couldn’t wrap my mind around the fact that I was going to be a mother. 

Other than gestational diabetes, I had a very healthy pregnancy. We were totally convinced that we would have a boy but God knew us better and blessed us with a sweet baby girl. After twenty-four hours of labor Scarlett was finally born (a week late) at 6lbs 4oz. The moment the doctor laid her on my chest changed my life forever. It was, by far, the best moment of my life. I had no doubt that I could love this baby but in that moment my love for her exploded. Words could never appropriately describe the joy, unconditional love, and shock of these emotions that I felt in those short minutes. Sadly, it ended way too quickly. Apparently, I had a pretty gnarly internal hemorrhage and was in so much pain that they took her off of me. I was so distraught that I don’t even remember the first time Blaze held her.  Within a few hours we were moved to another room. Blaze and I were so nervous we took turns sleeping so that one of us could be awake to keep an eye on Scarlett. Now that I think back, though, I’m not sure why I didn’t make Blaze take the whole night shift since I had just gone through 24 hours of really tough labor. But those were some of the best snuggles of my life so I wouldn’t take it back.

Things seemed pretty normal from there; Blaze changed a diaper for the first time, I was healing, learning to breastfeed and, honestly, just learning how to care for a baby but suddenly things took a dive from there. Scarlett had been spitting up quite a bit but it had turned neon green so the nurse took her to the NICU to see the neonatologist. I knew something wasn’t right when he came back into my room without her. He told us that we could go see her in the NICU but she would be transferred to the NICU at Erlanger downtown for further testing to make sure that she was ok. I was confused and shocked but when I walked into the NICU and saw her with a tube down her throat, crying and scared, I lost it. I couldn’t understand why the should-be normal process of having a baby was suddenly no longer normal and my sweet, innocent baby, who needs and wants her mommy, was lying in a box with a tube down her throat. Then, to make it worse, the transport lady told us that she needed to get Scarlett downtown immediately for testing because if she had a bowel blockage she could die and only the hospital downtown could do surgery on a newborn. Just typing this out brings back such painful memories of what should have been such a sweet time. In less than 24 hours after birth she was transported via ambulance to the NICU downtown. They wouldn’t let me ride with her so my options were to either be transported as a patient, as well, which could take hours or discharge early and drive ourselves to the hospital. As you can imagine, my emotions were spent and I couldn’t even muster real words to make a decision. Thankfully, my real life angel was waiting for me outside of the NICU where she had already (1) called my doctor and had me discharged and (2) arranged for us to have a non-patient room at the hospital where Scarlett was going. We quickly gathered our belongings and headed downtown to be with our baby. By the time we got there they had already completed the tests and, thanks to the good Lord above, our baby did not need surgery but they wanted to keep her overnight just to make sure she was ok and to monitor her weight and ability to maintain her body temperature. Scarlett was not happy. She was crying, hungry and I was learning to breastfeed on my own. The heat lamp she was under was so hot I was sweating just standing beside it. I was so frustrated and exhausted (and still sweating) at this point that the nurse offered to give her a bottle, let me rest and come back to try again at the next feeding. This wasn’t my first choice but I was too exhausted to do anything else. 

Looking back, I was scared and miserable but I couldn’t allow those thoughts in my head because Scarlett was 100% at the forefront of my mind and 100% my top priority. I had less than 24 hours of postpartum care for a first time birth. My feet were more swollen after birth than at any point during my pregnancy. It hurt to walk; it hurt to sit. I was so thankful to have a room in the hospital but the bed and the pull-out sofa were awful and what little sleep we got wasn’t restful. Furthermore, I had no idea how to care for myself.

Feedings were every three hours in the NICU so we were up every 3 hours that night,  back to Scarlett in the NICU still trying to nurse. My parents were there with us the next day but it was so hard for all of us to see her with IVs in her hands, hooked up to machines. We fully believed that she would be released the next day but, unfortunately, they decided to keep her longer. Hearing that, I remember my heart just sank with disappointment. At that point, I needed to be home to care for me, to care for her, to rest and heal but that wasn’t an option. We went through another day, another night and another day of feedings every 3 hours, holding her as much as possible, and constantly asking when we could leave.  She was, by far, the healthiest baby in her pod. That day 3 more babies were admitted to her pod in the NICU and we could tell that the staff was a bit overwhelmed. We may have slightly exploited that and, in addition to Scarlett doing better, gaining weight and maintain her body temperature, we were able to talk with the neonatologist and get her out. We very swiftly packed our belongings, got Scarlett ready, had her final check and busted out of there before they changed their minds. Our first ride home, which we had always anticipated as being stressful, was strangely relieving instead. Being around those other precious babies in the NICU made me so thankful that Scarlett was healthy and that we only had to stay there for a few nights. 

To all you moms and dads who have had a baby in the NICU for long periods of time, you are stronger than I can ever imagine. I’d love to hear your NICU stories…