Anya, Madre, Matka. Mother’s Odyssey

Interview with Vickie:

Kayla: First, tell me a little about yourself. How old is your child?

Vickie: My daughter, Amelia Kate, is 6 months old. I am usually quiet and private. I feel like I’m the odd mom out and don’t really fit in with other moms but I’m more fun than I look. We are a single income family (I work and my husband stays home with our baby) because she has medical issues and needs constant attention. So I don’t spend money on the cute baby outfits like other moms might (and post pictures).

Kayla: Agreed. And honestly, I just don’t have time for that. 

Kayla: I’ve read articles about “things no one tells you about childbirth/being a new mom”. What is something that surprised you most about childbirth, right after and/or being a new mom?

Vickie: I was in a whole new world of pain when my water broke. I used to work in Labor and Delivery so I knew childbirth would be painful but this was more than I expected. I put unrealistic expectations on myself and realized that not everyone’s birth story is the same and nothing goes as planned. I was in labor for 28 hours and ended up having to have a C-section anyway which was so disappointing. I felt so defeated. Then I had to recover from both the intensive labor I went through AND the C-section; it wasn’t one or the other like most moms. 

Also, no one told me how hard the first night home would be with no help. If I could go back, I would tell myself to stay off social media, too!

Kayla: Agreed! I tell expecting moms to hold their birth plans loosely; very loosely! Mine didn’t go as planned, either. I wanted to labor at home for as long as possible but I had to be induced so I spent the entire time in the hospital. I wanted a natural birth but that didn’t happen. And I never could have expected the NICU experience! Folks can read more on my story in my other blogs, though!

Kayla: What is something about you (your personality, character, opinion on a certain topic, etc.) that has changed since becoming a mom?

Vickie: I struggled/struggle with judgment. I realized, though, that judging other moms when you’re not a mom is not fair to the other moms. Now I’m starting to judge differently, though; now that I am a mom. I noticed (judged) that other moms were so carefree during COVID and all three of us ended up getting it, anyway. I had to pray about God changing my heart knowing that others may not feel convicted about the same things. Social media has been a huge struggle for me with either judging others or myself but for me not sharing too much on social media is just me being careful (you can never be too careful). It’s more important for me to just be in the moment. 

Kayla: Completely agree and I wish more of us could come to that mindset that we may not all be convicted by the same things. New mom judgement is the hardest thing to deal with especially when you’re learning to be a new mom and trying to recover from childbirth. I wish it would just stop. I’ve had to correct myself from judging a few times, too, though. 

Kayla: What has been the most challenging about the change of becoming a mom?

Vickie: The comparison game! Comparing other babies to mine and comparing other moms to me. I still haven’t lost the baby weight and as a wife I want to look the same as I did before pregnancy. You don’t realize how tired and hard you’ll be on yourself but still want to feel like you have it all together. 

Kayla: Which is why we should just stay off social media, right?  I totally get that! We should really be uplifting each other knowing that we are all likely having the same feelings about the same things. This is why I started my blog in the first place!

Kayla: What is something you look forward to and/or what are your expectations for the future? Is there anything in the future that you’re anxious about?

Vickie: I’m excited for her to say “mama”. I’m really anxious about the state of the world and what she will go through and/or struggle with as she grows up. I know its early but we’re already talking about where we want to send her to school with no idea what public school will look like by then. 

Kayla: Hearing them say “mommy” and “daddy” are the best. It gets even better when they can say “mommy, I love you”. Melts my heart! Your fears are so real for so many of us. We will find out later in this series what fears moms with adult children faced when we were little but I feel like the world is getting worse and we may have a more difficult struggle with raising children in the current world. Especially now that the internet and social media are a prominent part of life that was non-existent when we were younger.

Kayla: What is something you’ve learned along the way that you can share with other new moms or soon to be new moms? 

Vickie: Make sure to have help the first few nights at home. I was so exhausted that I got to a place where I didn’t feel safe taking care of a baby. If someone offers to help, accept (if you trust them, of course)! Someone told me not to switch to a bottle at nighttime but I did it anyway and felt guilty but it actually works for us. Know your limits especially when you’re tired. ACCEPT HELP and don’t be ashamed about it. You’re not going to prove anything by not accepting help. I had it set in my mind that I would not need to have an epidural and I wouldn’t give my baby formula and felt so guilty about when I did both because people mom shame. Constant mom shame is a real thing so don’t allow people to do it to you. Trust that you are the best thing for your baby and you, the baby’s mom, have the heart to fully care for your baby. Be in the moment!

Kayla: So good! The exhaustion was difficult for me, too. It still is! Fortunately, I was able to breast feed for about 8-9 months before I had to start Scarlett on formula because I just want’s producing enough anymore. I felt so guilty for not making it a full year but it worked out well anyway and she’s still very healthy to this day. One of the best pieces of advice we received was to start giving a bottle at night. We did and it was the best decision. I was spending over an hour at night nursing Scarlett to sleep, slowly and gently placing her in a swaddle, then praying I didn’t wake her up with I put her in her bed. It took a few days to adjust but after that she started sleeping well, I got a break and it was just better for me mentally. Looking back, it was a great decision for us. Maybe that’s not the best for everyone else and that’s ok, too. I finally got to a point where I realized that, despite the mom shame, my husband and I are the absolute best qualified to make these decisions for our baby (now toddler). The mom shame/guilt was a surprising blow to the face for me, too. I didn’t expect it and it was such an unnecessary struggle amidst all the others as a new mom.

Kayla: Will you have more children?

Vickie: No – too many complications!