Interview with Anna
Kayla: First, tell me a little about yourself. How old are your children?
Anna: I’m 33 years old and the mom of 3 kids. Jodi is 5, Bo is 3.5 and Aubree is 2. I had all three children within 36 months. Right now, I’m a stay-at-home mom.
Kayla: What are some things you’ve learned specifically as your children have grown a little older?
Anna: I’ve learned to celebrate “inch“ stones not milestones. There are 69,840 inches in a mile. Think of all the celebrations you miss if you only celebrate milestones. Bo has some disabilities and did not start walking until he was almost 2. Now at 3.5 he has limited vocabulary. If I celebrated only milestones I wouldn’t have many. Also, I’ve learned that I have to constantly pray over my children. Pray that God will use them to glorify himself. Pray over everything.
Kayla: Definitely! I’ve already started praying for Scarlett’s future husband. Although, I’m not ready for Scarlett to grow up.
Anna: Don’t say don’t grow up. Say go slow!
Kayla: Did you have any fears/anxieties when your kids were younger that you’ve now realized were trivial?
Anna: Comparing Jodi with her cousin who is 6 weeks difference in age. There was a time when he could count to 5 and she couldn’t even say her name. I was thinking “what’s wrong with me as a mom?” Then I had the Idea that I was a bad mom. Is my kid as smart? I compared my children with other people’s children. Especially with Bo who was doing things approximately 9 months later than other kids his age. I thought my kids were behind and zoned in on that rather than the things they were doing well. I compared my kids with other kids but I was reminded that God knit them together in my womb. He made them in His image and God doesn’t make mistakes. When I look at Bo and see challenges, I see the mistakes that God doesn’t see. There’s only fear and anxiety when comparing children. Now with Aubree I’m like “so what if she has passy in college?”
Kayla: For sure! Comparing children was something we talked about in my last blog with a new mom. Especially in the age of social media and how everything appears perfect online. Comparison is such an easy thing to do but so detrimental. I remember being so uptight about every little step or phase that Scarlett went through. Now, it’s potty-training phase and she’s not ready so I’m not pushing it.
Anna: We bribed our kids with marshmallows to encourage them to use the potty.
Kayla: What’s something you look forward to as your children continue to grow older?
Anna: My mom jokes that I’m a mother duck and my kids are my ducklings because they follow me around the house. I don’t baby them or overhold them because I’m all about independence but it’s just their age. I’m looking forward to them being more independent and more self-sufficient. I can’t go to the bathroom without shutting the door in someone’s face. One day it will be nice for them to fix their own chocolate milk.
Kayla: I totally get that.
Kayla: What are some common misconceptions of motherhood?
Anna: Before I had kids motherhood was all I saw in movies – lots of respect and cuddles and sweetness. In reality, there is no “thank you” for all I do. I have a real Instagram family – recently I was picking up one kid from kindergarten and the other kids were not even dressed. This is real life. Don’t compare yourself to other mothers on social media – like leaving notes in their lunchbox. All these “extras” that if you don’t do you are not as good as another mother. If you love and feed your children and keep them happy, well and healthy you are a good mother! The most important thing is your child’s soul. Teach them the love of Jesus or they will never experience true love. Am I any less for feeding my kids peanut butter and jelly rather than avocado toast? No. I’m teaching them the love of Jesus Christ.
Kayla: It’s tough raising kids today with social media. Most people only post the good things in their life and while they’re not wrong for doing so it creates this image that people are perfect but especially to mothers. In the long run, those sweet, creative things that parents do (and post about) are good but, you’re right; nothing is more important that their souls and teaching them the love of Christ. In my last blog, Vickie talked about all these new moms dressing their babies in boutique clothes and she and I are thinking we’d rather spend our money on something else anyway.
Anna: I allow Jodi to pick her own clothes and it gives her ownership and independence rather than buying her boutique clothes and making her wear them.
Kayla: I’m sure she loves that!
Kayla: Is there anything you’d change about how you’ve parented thus far?
Anna: I used to get embarrassed because I was yelling at my kids and then Jodi started yelling and I was like “stop yelling” and realized that she was yelling because she was learning from me so I’ve tried to be better about yelling. When I see something like that I try to evaluate. Even praying over my children more. I want to be intentional with it rather than just nighttime prayers. I Wish I was more international versus just when I remember it.
Kayla: How have you changed with motherhood?
Anna: I struggled with that one. Once I had a kid It was different. I went from cooking, teaching, catering, taking kids to events; my identity was in my career. When I introduced myself I identified as a chef. Then all that got stripped from me. Then I became stay at home mom which is worse. If you say that you run a private day care your success rate goes up. I went from success to butt wiper. I struggled for a long time. I would sit and cry. People look down on stay-at-home moms now. I have culinary degrees and awards and no one knows. I will go back but for now I’m only seen as a mom and not seen as a high-ranking successful person. I struggled a whole lot. Because of motherhood and the striping of my identity it took me a long time before I started to do a lot more “me time” to where I don’t lose Anna. I’m not just Jodi’s mom; I’m Anna. There’s a difference.
Now, I can measure success in a different way. I felt like I completely lost my identity. I was thanked and appreciated and now, as a stay-at-home mom, my husband, Brandon, saw my struggle. He’d come home and I would be in tears because I couldn’t remember the last time someone told me thank you. I would cook 3 meals a day and no one says thanks. My self-worth was going down. Brandon is so different now; I’ll say that I have a need and he meets that need.
I think it made it even more difficult because I was meeting people for the first time as a stay-at-home mom because Jodi was around 2 months when we moved. So no one knew me as a Chef.
Kayla: I can only image every mom goes through it in some way or another. It’s so encouraging, though, to hear your story and realize that all of us moms go through some sort of struggle in the transition. This is exactly why I started this series on my blog; for us to hear each other’s stories and be encouraged. Thank you for sharing!
Kayla: I’ve seen several articles on “things no one tells you about childbirth” but what are some “things” no one tells you about parenting as your babies grow older?
Anna: you will never have a clean house ever until they move out. When I was a kid our house was messy but it was because my mom had 4 kids. I can completely clean and Bo will dump out the baby powder and I’m like “I’m done”. I feel like I clean 2 times per day. I want it picked up when Brandon gets home at 5 and by the time we put our kids to bed at 7:30 it looks like a bomb went off in our house. No concept of cleaning.
You don’t remember anything. There’s pregnancy brain, yes but mom brain is very serious. Everyday your children do all these little inch-stones that you’re excited about then you forget 2 weeks later. So, I’ve tried to keep up with a journal. I don’t remember and don’t realize I don’t remember until I read my journal. You forget everything.
Kayla: It goes by so fast. And you’re so tired.
Anna: Start keeping a journal. Keep it for a few months then go back and read it and you’ll realize how much you forget. Side note: the best parenting advice that I ever received came from mom: (1) never ask someone for parenting advice unless you like the way their children turned out. (2) your husband will always be more important than your children. Children you’ll have for 18 years but you’ll have your husband your whole life. If you don’t make time for him now it becomes a problem down the road. Marriage is more important. Free advice! If a husband and wife have nothing in common when their children are in the house they’ll divorce when children move out. He will always be there.
Kayla: Are you done having kids?
Anna: Yes; I wanted my kids to be close. There are 18 months in between them. Brandon got fixed – I’m done. Once you have a hard pregnancy or miscarriage every pregnancy after that is full of anxiety. We found out that Bo would have issues during an ultrasound but had to wait on the results. God knows the cry of your heart! The test came back normal. I just sank to my knees and cried when I called. No words. Then I had 20 weeks of dread because I wouldn’t know anything until he came out. I thought “what have I done to make my child like this?” There was nothing I did wrong and my son was born with disabilities and God taught me the most about His character in a situation like this with no control as a mom. But Bo has no actual diagnosis other than developmentally delayed. God gives me hope. Bo says hey to every single person he sees but can’t say much else. He greets every single person with smile on his face. He approaches everyone as equals. You just have to invest in your child’s soul.
