2020 Unleashed
This year has, undoubtedly, been one of the most difficult years we have had collectively in quite some time. For us, the dust has started to settle some and I’m able to see, what I hope as, a clearer picture. As we approach the end of the year I’ve already begun reflecting on how this year has played out thus far but also reevaluating what I now see that has become our “new normal”. This year has been crazy insane but I can’t resist being thankful for how God has provided over and over again throughout the year.
We started our year by making the decision to put our house on the market. The Chattanooga market was so on fire that it was listed as the nation’s 4th hottest real estate market at the time. So after about 2 weeks on the market without an offer we started to get discouraged because many other houses in the area were under contract within 24 hours. We loved the house but it was not setup for a young child. We wanted something more updated, open and safer for a toddler on the brink of walking. But God new our hearts and provided a buyer within a few more days. Then things started to get really crazy: packing began even though we had nowhere to go, inspection, appraisal, and all the little things we had to do based on the inspection PLUS…a toddler. I love her but she complicated the process. We were packing and loading our POD at night while she slept. We finally found a new house and made an offer but due to the timing we had about three weeks of what we were afraid would be homelessness. God provided again by helping us find an Air BNB not far from our new house and about the same driving distant for both of us to work. Then COVID…
The day we were set to close on our old house everything around us starting closing down including my office space and Scarlett’s daycare so she was with us the day we closed. I started working from “home” (air bnb) that day after closing and Blaze started working from home the very next day and we have actually been working from home since then with Scarlett keeping us on our toes. The following week I found out that I was being furloughed and was terrified that we would not be able to buy our new house and would literally be homeless. But God stepped in, yet again, and we were still able to close on our new home with no problem. To add to it, Blaze didn’t have to pay his federal student loan payments, saving us money, but also still counting towards the forgiveness program.
We had just started getting settled in our new house and the Easter tornado came through. All these prior, little steps are important because what you need to know is that God protected us that night. Actually, he protected a ton of people because the devastation from that rouge tornado could have, should have killed hundreds of people. That night was so unusual and eerie. The lightening was our only sign that something was wrong. I’ve never seen anything like the lightening that night. It was constant; there was no more than a second (if that) between each and every bolt. We grabbed Scarlett and hid in the only place that was central to the house with no windows: the pantry (Scarlett slept through it). It passed and through the little cell service we had we realized the extent of the destruction the storm had caused. We were without power for three days but no damage to our new house. That tornado hit every single place that Blaze and I have lived in Chattanooga except the new house. This whole process of selling and buying led us to this new house where we were safe from the storm and boy did it barely miss us. That week also started a new schedule of furlough for me: one week of work and one week off/unpaid. At first I was frustrated, but I quickly realized that this was time I could spend with Scarlett and while she napped I had time to do things around the house. God still provided for us though. With the increased unemployment insurance I was still making money on the weeks I was off. The time we’ve been home with Scarlett has been so valuable to us. We were able to see her learn to walk, increase her vocabulary and begin to grow into her personality when she could have otherwise been doing this in daycare.
Now I’ve been restored to my full time position and am working in the office twice a week (while Scarlett goes to daycare) and at home the other 3 days. It’s been a good balance of getting to be with her but also allowing her the opportunity to socialize.
So here we are; months into COVID and months in our new house still with a heart of thanksgiving of just how much God has taken care of us this year. Life is generally pretty routine for us these days so it’s been easy to get complacent. Quite frankly, I’m ready for something new.
A good friend recommended a book to me recently about the Enneagram (a model of 9 personality types). It has forced me to reevaluate my mindset, take a deeper look into myself, and make some healthy changes and I’m actually really excited about it!
If 2020 has taught us anything it should be the need for self-evaluation. God is using this opportunity to teach us that we cannot give to others, as He would like us to do, if all we have left to give are feelings of anger, frustration or fear. So instead of pointing fingers we all need to take a deeper look into ourselves. The Enneagram, in particular, has already helped me to determine what my strengths and weaknesses are and to fuel my strengths and improve my weaknesses. In just a short amount of time I already feel more confident in my abilities and my strengths. I’m recognizing situations where I’m “weak” and using it as an opportunity to improve those weaknesses which has also given me confidence. I’ve had personal goals all along but haven’t had short term goals or a clear path on how to achieve those personal goals. For example, I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s disease (thyroid) not long after Scarlett was delivered. Currently, my biggest symptom is fatigue and exhaustion all the time. I wake up and go to bed tired which causes a “trickle” effect in everything else in my life because I’m so tired I don’t have motivation do to anything else. Honestly, I don’t know much about it and/or how to live with it (other than medication which I’m not going to take) and it’s been my goal for months to find a primary care physician and start my journey to living a healthy lifestyle with the disease but I haven’t done it (because my enneagram 9 has difficulty making decisions). Recognizing that I’m procrastinating because I don’t want to make a decision, I’ve begun my research on primary care physicians in my area and in the meantime I’ve started exercising again. It’s not a lot but it’s something. From a deeper standpoint, making these small changes (and in my case, making an actual decision) is altering my mind and honestly my heart. If you study the Enneagram you’ll know that the 9 will typically do anything to “keep the peace” but unfortunately, many of us are tortured by it. The particular research I’ve done doesn’t use the word “torture” but as a 9 I can confirm that particular feeling. We are constantly concerned with what people think, how people will feel in a certain situation or could feel in a certain situation before it even happens (IF it even happens) simply to keep the peace physically (in the “real” world) and in our own minds. We simply don’t like confrontation and will prepare ahead of time just to avoid it. Sadly and ironically, though, this internal turmoil is the exact opposite of peace and our constant strive for peace may result in success in a particular situation but the success is a result of the disarray of our minds. Making decisions, setting healthy boundaries with others and learning to let go of the things I can’t control are just a few of the goals I’ve set as a result of studying the Enneagram 9.
But let’s not forget how the Enneagram can help us learn about others and how we can either improve our relationships or guide us on how to better understand someone with differing personality types. The Enneagram really dives into each particular personality type but also reflects how that particular personality type can behave in healthy, average and unhealthy levels. Learning to understand someone else’s personality type could guide us on the ultimate goal that everyone should have of being able to give grace to others in our disagreements and/or differences. Let me pose a few questions: when was the last time you truly stopped to humble yourself? Do you feel like something is holding you back from moving forward or achieving your goals? If you really think about it, do you feel like personality differences have caused issues in your relationships whether it be towards a spouse, children, friend, family or even co-worker? If any of these questions really get your wheels spinning then I would encourage you to read “The Road Back to You” by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile. I will say that this particular book regarding the Enneagram is from a Christian standpoint. However, I have noticed that there are other books and resources regarding the Enneagram out there, as well.
Please know that I still haven’t gotten this down and am looking for others to join in this journey with me (or us, I should say, because my friend got me started on this). I want to know your number and be able to share in this with you. I’ve included a link below to an Enneagram test. Feel free to take it but also know that it may not be 100% accurate and you’ll need to read about all of the Enneagram numbers to be sure. If you take it and/or read about it please share your number!
The band, Sleeping At Last, wrote an entire album dedicated to the Enneagram numbers. Once you find your number, look up the corresponding song.
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